I’m a worrier. On top of that I am a total type A personality and a control freak. As you can imagine all this has had to go completely out the window with this whole year of cancer. These past few weeks I have been a total mix of uneasy mess and gratefulness and just general naïve peacefulness. Let me explain. I have seen more than a few kids and young adults come back into the hospital this week with a relapse of their cancer, some of those have not ended well for those families right before our eyes. I know and completely understand that every person and every cancer is unique and different and this is not every case. This is not even nearly every case. And I am obsessing on some very worst case scenarios. And I know this is also very normal of me to do, but I can’t help being thankful that this won’t happen to us now. This may be a very naïve thought, and I am not blind to the thought that we have a very long road ahead of us with many, many side effects in an extremely complicated future but one that does not include Leukemia. Just it’s aftermath. We don’t have Leukemia anymore. Daniel had a Bone Marrow Transplant and when I think back to when we had to consider if that was the best choice if it had to come to that (G-d forbid) because it seemed like the scariest possibility. Then it became the only choice at a possible chance for a cure, then it all fell into place and now I look back… I can’t believe I can already say I am looking back ALREADY on DAY87 and saying it was obviously the best thing ever. Because I know we can never say never, but now I feel like at least now there is very little, almost no chance I have to worry about a relapse. I don’t have to look over my shoulder waiting for that day. I have enough other things I am watching for. We are all watching things as parents. We watch everything about our kids and are vigilant about every little thing, watching for signs and little things that could be wrong. That is what led us to diagnosing Daniel, when we knew something wasn’t right in the first place, when things never got better from a minor sports injury. At this point we are still hyper attuned to everything that is going on with Daniel’s body as his healthcare is completely under our supervision. He has to be aware of every tiny thing and difference on a moment to moment basis and make me and the doctors aware of the slightest changes he notices, literally down to a scratch or a blemish. As time goes by this will all ease up and I am sure. Life will become more normal again, but my guess for those parents for children that weren’t recipients of a bone marrow transplant and live with the uncertainty of cancer returning, they live with a fear everyday of the other shoe dropping. I am not sure if I could handle this. I know we give birth to our children and all live with this fear and risk everyday anyway. This I am aware of and is generally the reason I am a nervous wreck at the best of times anyway. Geez, I had a preventative double mastectomy in April to alleviate my own personal fears of getting breast cancer, when I don’t even have the BRAC gene, but have a strong family history, NEED I SAY MORE of how much I worry? I did this to eliminate any extra need to give myself of having to worry. I just have been thinking a lot lately noticing a few more losses than normal of some young people that once again I am so grateful to our donor and the second chance that Daniel has been given to live a strong, healthy, full life, filled with love and support of his family and friends. I am grateful.