Then came the lows...up every hour as usual, but then at 2:30 he got a terrible nose bleed. This was very scary for him. It lasted quite a while and he needed to receive blood and plateletes. Consequently, blood must have gone down his throat upsetting his stomach which then set him off vomiting the rest of the night. When he saw blood in his vomit that was the end of it. He lost it, but maybe even worse was when he saw the rice he worked so hard to finally keep down after almost two weeks of not eating. He was feeling very defeated and is really feeling like his body is betraying him. How could he not.
So the rollercoaster of physical and emotional wellness goes up and down and he wants to get off. We all do. It is almost 2 PM now and 12 hours later he is trying to sleep last night off like a bad hangover that won't end. Every time he moves he throws up again and he can't even hold down his morning pills, but when the nurse comes in for vitals he opens his eyes and weakly says "okay I'll try again." He is trying so hard and doesn't know why his body won't just let itself get better. He did stand up on his own to get a weight today without a walker and was tall and straight and did not shake and although he was down another pound, he said "did you see I stood up by myself, I am getting stronger"
We will see when he wakes up if he throws up the nothing he has in him and goes back to sleep, or if he is willing to try some more plain white rice, knowing it just might end up back in the bucket. After all his day is only starting when he wakes up right?