While Daniel is in the exact same place health wise as he has been for some time now I am in a personal struggle right now that is destroying me. My mother in law has suddenly (not so suddenly) taken ill. Although her health has been failing for some time she has been on and off sick all year and this has kept her from us. Because of Daniel’s compromised immune system he needs to stay away from germs as do I because I can’t bring anything home to Daniel or risk getting sick myself. Not only have we been lost without seeing both of Rob’s parents all year but I struggle with feelings of guilt now not being there to have taken better care of them and being there now to help take care of them. I am harboring feelings of hurt that they have not been well enough to be with us all year as well but have come to terms with that and try to understand it. It has been difficult and anyone who knows us knows how close we always were with Booboo (what we call Eleanor) Daniel especially is close with both of his Grandparents and they have been such a constant in his life that I know how hard this last year has been on them as much as it has been on him and us as far as relationships alone. So now when it comes to what I can be doing to help today and right now I feel tortured sitting at home. I can not go to the hospital risking exposure to unknown germs. Rob is up there with a mask and gloves and stripping down and showering when coming home and needing to stay away from Daniel right now , but I can not go. I feel so helpless not being there for her and my family. It makes me think of how everyone probably felt when they couldn’t do anything for us when Daniel was first in the hospital and couldn’t be around and I apologize again for that. I feel so sad for my family that needs to face this but I am so sad for myself that I am missing seeing my mother in law right now that I have been so close with and have missed this whole past year with. I am so sad that I can not do a single thing to help and make a family's pain better and can’t even be there to comfort a scared woman that has wanted nothing more than to be there for her family and have them together and happy and at a time when they should can’t be. All she wants is to see her children and grandchildren and I can’t even give her that. I have always felt I have been a good daughter in law that had tried to help and share and be good to her. She was a tough lady that raised four sons and came from having only brothers. This woman does not know much in the feminine ways people so to have another girl around in the family was kind of nice for her sometimes I think. I enjoy her company and she is the funniest lady around. Everybody loves the Booboo. She has been a constant fixture in my boys lives and we have made a determined point of making it that way. It wasn’t always comfortable for them at first for us to be intrusive with our boys in their space all the time after I continued to push, push , push my boys on them those two grandparents became the most dodting ever present grandparents you can imagine. They have been so obsessed with their grandchildren it is amazing to watch. I know it drives Matthew crazy but Daniel loves it and has always enjoyed every minute of it. We are in for many changes in the family dynamic and I am not sure what will happen from here. I feel my hands are tied and I am heartbroken and disabled waiting with my phone to know what is happening next. I am crying missing just thinking of not talking to her for a day already and worried sick because no one has called me in an hour. I am hopeful that now that she is in doctor’s care that she will get to a place where she will be well enough soon where we can finally have a visit and know she will be alright and Daniel and I can see her again in a safe state. I look forward to this so much.