Yesterday was insane. Phone ringing off the hook. People calling for interviews and comments about the release of the 'Broncos Go' video. It is all very exciting! And Daniel enjoyed it very much, and in the middle of his Fox31News interview Rob leaned over to me and said how great this all is but how he wished we could not be having any of this opportunity at all. NO SHIT! I guess it is nice to forget about it all for a minute and enjoy some laughs and joy while we can, especially while he feels good, and in the moment if it helps raise a little awareness and if it helps anyone who needs it then all the better. I am sitting here Saturday morning in a funk and in total avoidance of the fact that I need to start packing everything up to go back to the hospital on Monday morning and start this all over again. Daniel is ready and positive. He has separated out his things of what goes back to his room their and what stays here but I am at a road block and procrastinating (not like me at all). I should know what to expect, my head is telling me this is just the next phase in this process and I have surrendered to it so far but I am not getting my butt in gear this time. Maybe it is the dread of stepping back into the mundane or maybe the unknown. I would like to think it will be a boring round of nothing and no side effects again. That would be wonderful, but maybe I am just scared of the what if it is bad. I know we will deal with that too. I look forward to moving through to the future because this just moves us closer to moving on to getting trough it all. saying I want to be done with all of I is an understatement. I think I just realized why I don't want to pack up. I don't want to leave the house and the bed and regular life again, whatever that is. I don't think I even remember what regular life if anymore. Everything regular and normal has left my brain. Perspective has changed and a shift has taken place. I have become such a different person in the past 6 months. First it was my own realization with my sister's breast cancer diagnosis and my decision to have surgery and then our world in a tailspin with Daniel. Yes, I wish none of it ever had to happen and I still was able to have my regular hectic, scattered, chaotic life that was probably less appreciated and less loving and less connected. I miss my friends and family and miss the routine of everyday predictability. I know it is a trade off and what we have gotten in the trade is a stronger marriage and an appreciation of life and a greater family bond and knowing who our real friends are finding out what a wonderful community we have and blah blah blah....Rob is right I wish I didn't have the opportunity to find out any of this at all.