After many, many, MANY weeks, months in fact of Daniel having CMV (cytomegalovirus), today he is FINALLY QNQ. QNQ means qualitative not quantitative or basically under 1000 and not enough to count. He started out back in January around 300,000. Doctors say it can take a long time to knock out but this has been ridiculous. I have repeatedly written about his treatment plan so instead of rehashing it I am going to just bask in the joy that we are not going to have to be readmitted tomorrow to the hospital. Let me tell you, I need to take a few minutes to breathe. I have sent the past few days organizing and not planning to check in, but not really planning because we didn’t know. Making sure laundrey was done, house was clean, errands were complete, JUST IN CASE. But as I watched Daniel I realized something has been dfferent the past few days. I actually see a small difference in his overall presence. I woke up this morning and had a gut feeling. It is gone. I just know it. It is gone. But the blood was drawn yesterday morning and there is nothing that can be done to change the results that won’t be in until 4 pm today. So we spend a day of waiting and waiting and waiting. Geez, you would think I would be used to waiting by now, but not even close. Not a chance. I had time this morning to pack things and get ready for the hospital but did not want to jinx anything. I promise you I had such a strong feeling his viral count was going to be good. But as the day went on I started to doubt myself and terrible thoughts came creeping in. I slowly started making piles around the house and making paking lists. I even started to rearrange some appointments in preparation for the weeks ahead being back in the hospital. By 2:30 or so, knowing that by know results were probably on their way from the land of wherever these tests are run, I was feeling absolutely nauseous. I was sitting on my bed paralyzed by the fact of having to go back. Regardless of knowing this could be best for him. My feelings of certainty were now a million miles away and I can’t imagine being ready to check back in tomorrow. My head is starting to pound with the thought of being up all night packing and getting everything in order and closing up shop for who knows how long. We now need to get ready to go to the hospital for 4PM physical therapy and get his results. We check in as usual at the clinic and they typically call the our BMT nurse that brings me the 4PM test results but this time we are waiting in the BMT isolation waiting room (which is separate from the general oncology clinic) and I see the nurse and Dr. Craddock (our primary Doc- he is not normally in clinic today) heading towards the isolation room. I froze. I don’t know what I looked like but I don’t really know what he said right away. I just saw them walking towards us in slow motion. Why would Doc Craddock be coming out. This was not a good sign. He was actually so excited nd amazed that he had to tell us in person. Almost 6 hours later and I am not sure I have settled down. He reinforced that although we should not get crazy and we are going to stick with our plan as is for another week because this could still rear its ugly head like it keeps doing and we could be back in the same boat next week, as of right now, we can stay home for the rest of the week. So unfortunately we go through another week now hoping that instead of getting the CMV count down that it just stays down. We need to stay QNQ for 2 weeks ( I think it was) until we can stop treatment. By then Daniel will just be finishing his Cyclosporin (antirejection) course and in the weeks to follow the magic will begin to happen. All cells will finally have a chance to grow and flourish on their own. A place we should have been at a while ago, but I am not going there tonight, because tonight I am home, right where we should be. Yes, I still have the labor intensive schedule of multiple IV meds a day but hopefully this will be only for a while longer as well. I will take this any day over the alternative treatment of the hospital. I know what ever it has to be is what it has to be, but I will take this option for this week thank you. I have a feeling I will be able to pretty much cut and paste this blog next week, since this is the same feeling I have had every Monday and Tuesday for so long now, but today…today especially with my sister’s greatest news (see morning blog) today was the best day in a very long time.
2 Comments
mom and dad or baba and zaida
4/14/2015 03:51:08 pm
This a great day for our children. Rochelle cancer free and daniel well on his way to regain his life back. All that love and support is working. We love you. Daniel keep up the good work. Nadine keep on blogging. Always good to read.you are terrific. Love you to.
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mandyhailpern
4/15/2015 03:50:40 am
Following along and happy that both Daniel and Rochelle have positive results to share this week. May everyone continue to heal and thrive and live life. Love you all. Xoxo Mandy
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