We walked in to the hospital in shock on a warm summer night in June with the unknown ahead and walked out in silent awe on a cool winter night in December cancer free. What happened in between is all a thing of the past but can never be forgotten. I have felt so terribly alone through so much of these months, yet never unsupported for a moment of it. Does that sound poetic? It is not meant to be. It is just reality. Just like this awful nightmare and now we are awake and pushed back into the regular daylight of life. I am not sure how we will be. How we will cope, but I know that we will move on and we will keep taking it as it comes. Why, because we have no choice. Walking into our home last night I found that things have changed. I have missed a half of a year of my oldest son’s life and I cannot get that back. I cannot imagine what this will mean for his life in his future. For our relationship, for his outlook on life. Taking this much time out of a marriage and injecting this much stress is so difficult there is not enough wine and roses that could ever make up for lost time (and that is a total metaphor). I suppose when you put it all in perspective none of it matters when in the end, you have your health. I would be totally remiss if I didn’t reflect on the positves that came out of this. Positives you may ask? I know that often people look for reasons that these things happen, or lessons. I don’t think that this is necessarily the case for us. Maybe something will reveal itself. But for me I just want to apprecitate the people I have met along the way. These strangers that have become like family I have learned to totally rely on. Old friends that have reconnected and showed their love in ways that have brought me to tears on a daily basis sharing the love and their strength to help me through days I didn’t think I could stay alive to help keep my child alive. I don't know if I would ever have been able to build this bond I now have with my son we now have if it wasn't for this time we have had together. I am grateful for the time together and would trade it in a second to not have had to go through this. I am appreciative that I got to see my son realize a talent he has that has grown out of his true passion so early in life that most of us never find we even have in our entire lives. I am grateful to those who helped foster that along the way and make this journey almost enjoyable at times. Can you imagine? Finding joy in a nightmare like this. This may be our lesson. As simple as that, finding the joy in life.
2 Comments
Earnest Shapera
12/9/2014 08:23:02 am
From agony to ectassy - from the agony of the bone pain and initial diagnosis of leukosis to the ectassy of finding a bone marrow match that worked to allow Daniel to go home
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Mandy
12/9/2014 10:04:20 am
I saw from the start that this was a process in healing Daniel. Grateful for a donor match and successful receiving of Daniels system towards a NEW life and a new direction. Maybe the lesson is that you can survive when all seems vague and uncertain. Love you all. Take good care of your new life <3
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