I hit a wall yesterday and was at my peak of tears and frustration when Daniel's numbers just would not cooperate. Probably why I was unable to update the blog. I had been trying to stop crying and just keep it together most of the day. We had entered week six of being at the hospital and I had definatly hit my limit. I think it may have been the idea that Monday was week six, and Monday would have been the day Daniel would have actually started high school. I think that would have brought me to tears regardless or our situation being a big milestone I and of itself. Everything was feeling unfair, topped off with a huge plate of exhaustion and frustration. They actually had to call in the nurses to talk to me and I was pleading for an exception to please, please just take him home. I needed to just get him out of here. The defeated look and feeling Daniel has on his face in the morning when we get his numbers is almost too much to bare at times and the days are getting so much longer to fill. The feeling of walls closing in are very real. It is like you see in movies. I think I was also so consumed with the idea that Matthew was starting school this morning, and my mother hen need to get him ready and safely off that I was acting manic. So Rob to the rescue, he said "pack it up, you are going home for the night, no questions asked." I didn't even argue. I knew I was overdone, and anyone who knows me knows I don't concede easily. Even Daniel, knew I needed to go. In fact. It may have actually been Daniel that called in the nurses to check on me because I couldn't stop crying yesterday. Anyway fast forward to today and I am fresh and revived (well sort of-it could be the triple espresso helping do the trick). I spent a wonderful time with Matthew going for dinner and getting him ready for school and did some laundry and had a very long shower and slept in my bed and although waking up at 5:50 to get Matthew ready, came awfully early (probably more for Matthew than me) it was great to get him off to his first day of a new school. I am a nervous wreck about his first day, but I am glad I was there to send him off. Daniel's numbers came up a bit more again today. If I have to hear MAYBE TOMORROW, one more time I think I may rip someone's head off, but I am actually thinking it may actually BE TOMORROW and that is what will get me through today. Today will be a great day for making white blood cells!